11.11.2010

♫ X is the shape that i drew through your face in permanent marker♫

i have been so very very messy with my words this week. i guess bc i havent really found the time to write i've ended up spewing my feelings to a few people. luckily, theyre people i can trust and that are removed enough from the situation to give me advice and kind of just listen without preaching to me. getting these things off my chest has made me feel better, but it has also made me more inclined to share other feelings/thoughts that i would usually just keep to myself. i dont know. it's a weird time right now. i think because ive kept so much in for so long that now that ive sprung a little leak, im afraid the whole dam is going to break and i dont really know if im ready for the aftermath of that yet. we shall see. maybe i should just start slowing cutting people out so i dont have anything to hold in anymore. idk.. (obviously this is just a stream of conscientiousness type entry, not very eloquent, im afraid).
i just feel like there is a lot of negativity around me and im not the kind of person who likes to let that kind of energy into her life. i spent a few years feeling either nothing at all or overwhelming sadness and these past two years i feel like ive really started to get myself back and its something i definitely had to work at. i didnt just wake up happy one day, i had to learn to let people back in and to see whats good in the world while trying to overcome a lot of the things & feelings that were trying to bring me back to the place i was trying to leave behind me. i wish there was a way i could better explain this, but as i said, this isnt going to be a very well written entry.
ANYWAY... enough seriousness! Jordie and Paige are coming in tonight and im ready for a full 48 hours of debauchery and fun! so back to listening to Taylor Swift & cleaning!

10.22.2010

it’s just the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak

ugh i had some really epic things to say here tonight but somehow it all feels like too much for the internet. is this what growing up is?

i leave you with the song from which i took this posts title...

8.18.2010

i hate when people do this but... test.

 
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