just look at that girl with lights coming up in her eyes

I think I suffer from chronic dissappointment bc I want every moment of everyday to be different and new and exciting. apparently, life isn't like that all of the time. Sometimes you have to learn to relish the routines, the constants, and the old friends, and learn to take comfort in the, maybe not new or exciting, but definitely good things about your life. It's not that I'm unhappy, bc I'm pretty contet most of the time, it's just that it seems like I'm always trying to find the next rush of emotion or conscienceness or thought. I dunno I guess it's something I have to work on.

should I fall behind, wait for me

Never blogged from the iphone before. anyway, I'm only writing this bc last night I was thinking about how often we don't say or let people know what we really feel about them. We kind of just expect everyone to pick up on it, or tell ourselves that maybe we shouldn't say anything for fear of embarrassment or rejection but it's really rather stupid to do that. generally, knowing or not knowing how someone else feels about you doesn't really change how you feel about them. so I just wanted to say that I hope someday everyone will learn to let go of the complications and hours of thinking and just be honest with each other. love makes the world go round, right? so don't have people around you if you don't think you can love them, in whatever role they may play in your life. and if you do feel like you need someone in your life that isn't really around anymore, let them know you miss them I'm pretty sure it'll end up being better for both of you.

cuz you know that baby im...

my internet has been down for like 4 days and its totally killing me bc its definitely my cure all for boredom. anyway, im sitting here at lele's currently waiting for the jonas brothers tickets to go on sale at 10 am. im such a loser, but sarah and bella will be happy especially if they get floor seats, which is what im aiming for. i woke up at 630 today to get here early so lelers could make it to work on time, so kudos to me for not waking up in a bitchy mood like i usually do when i have to get up early. :) i think its bc i had a lovely weekend.
saturday was daddy yankee and pretty much my first attempt at any bartending outside of the hotel, and i must say, i think i did quite well. it wasnt hard, so i was pretty much nervous for no reason at all, i guess i just get self conscience when im doing something new-ish. i hope i can do it again soon bc i really had a good time and to be honest, the extra cash totally helped me out. ps. seeing daddy yankee for free while everyone else paid hella money to get in was pretty fantastic, not to mention all the surprisingly hott guys that were there. i never knew we had so many attractive hispanic men in the city. ngl, kinda glad i live here now.
yesterday was bellas birthday party, her actual birthday was friday. its weird that shes so old now. shes cute and crazy and definitely very comical. her party came out wonderful, a lot of her friends showed up and it was just a nice day at the park. after that me, lo, bea, and lele all went to the melting pot for a mini dinner/drinks thing. it was nice. anyway, this weekend was very relaxed and just kinda chill. im gonna go now though bc jack and cooper are giving me sad eyes so im gonna go play with them.

you are the reason that i breathe

today is my first attempt at wearing a wrap skirt. kinda weird ive never owned one before but this one is totally cute and a very pretty teal color. aaanyway, i think im gonna wear it with my alexander mcqueen tshirt and my black tights & flats. i shall upload a photo if im pleased with the outfit. not that anyone really cares what im wearing, but ITS MY FIRST TIME WEARING A WRAP SKIRT(!!!) and im excited. fashion firsts are always fun.


& im completely obsessed with jai ho from the pussycat dolls. i srsly cannot stop listening to it. i wish there was a place here that was doing the whole jai ho work out thing. that seems so fun. i need to live in nyc or la where all those crazy fads hit really big.

an elevator ride through the tunnel towards the light and im nowhere bound

so i was trying to go to sleep before 2 am but since that obviously didnt happen i want to say this... twitter is not serious business. there are all these people on there whose tweets im reading and they seem rather personal considering they have friends lists that are probably made up of people they know through ontd. like... i really dont care if you think its weird that people sleep with underwear on, i think its weird that you dont, but im certainly not gonna tweet about it. and there is this other girl who is on my twitter friends list that keeps talkin about her ex boyf wants her (srsly like third post about it today probably)which is fine and dandy but if i were him id be kinda pissed that she was repeating things i was saying to her privately in a public forum...like the motherfucking internet, where nothing ever dies. i dunno, i just think its weird. end rant.

the music was just being born, it was all I was longing for

i feel like all i ever do is think. there are all of these very serious things that go on inside of my head sometimes but im afraid of driving people away if i bother them too much with it all. its not that i think i cant talk to my friends, bc i know i can. i just hate being debbie downer. i feel like ive had 4 1/2 years to get happy, and i am most of the time, but i feel stupid for still having sad nights. it kinda sucks that i feel like i always have to be fun star, or mature star, or silly star but i never get to be sad star or scared star or boring-nothing-to-talk-about star bc it seems like no one really wants to be around when its not any fun. or maybe im just afraid to let them be around when i am those versions of myself. i dont know. its all very hard for me to understand and get a real grip on. im not in the mood for this philosophical crap tonight. i need to stop listening to bright eyes when its late at night.

on another note, i really wanna go to daddy yankee this weekend but my broke ass cant afford it; its either buy the jonas brothers tickets for my sisters or go to daddy yankee and tbh, i couldnt forgive myself if they missed that concert so i could dance to gasolina. i was supposed to go work the daddy yankee thing with bea but i dont know if thats really gonna happen bc she hasnt said much about finding someone to cover her shift, so im pretty much gonna take the silence as a no. oooh well. i will just be bored or end up going to baton rouge and having that haunting drinking party with kaylee. we shall see.

also, despite what i said about listening to bright eyes while its late, you should totally listen to entry way song from them bc its really beautiful and heartfelt and i just love it tonight. <3 night.


edit:
heres the song...


& lyrics...

Last Saturday I stood in your entry way
That place where we used to wait
For cars to carry us away
Like once in this storm, they drove me and Justin home
The music was just being born
It was all I was longing for

Now I’m on a plane
Off singing my songs again, oh please don’t think ill of it
Cause it’s the reason I exists
But you, you’re the crutch of a cripple
You're the calm of a conscience
You're the peace that I have found
When all these voices talk too loud you are quietly reassuring me
With the hands of a healer
And the tongue of a teacher
It’s your voice that I have known
To be the first one on the phone
Yeah, you ran all the lights to the hospital

So don't you say to me
That life's a trap
The future is nothing but a tragedy
'Cause I'll be out of that window
Yeah, I'll start wishing to die again
Just say we're not walking backwards, kid
And show me to the door
And I'll walk behind
Out into the hot sunlight
Where the world's very much alive
Even when I close my eyes

Well, should I admit
That my promise is counterfeit
That I'm careless and childish
And that's all I can hope to be
And would you concede
That I think only of myself
I refuse everybody's help
Who has been reaching out for me
Well, you reach with the soul of a sailor
And the swing of a miner
You have cleared the rock away
Leaving gold there in its place
And it is more than anyone could claim
Oh, with the sense of a banker
And with the touch of a tailor
You saved this life for me
And you have sown it to beauty
And I am grateful now and I will always be

So would you sing with me
The song is all I know
Some truths are told now only in a melody
So I've been writing a new one
Yeah, I've been taking my time with it
It's gonna be so perfect
It's gonna hold all of us inside of it
You will see
If you just add your harmony
I think it would be complete
And be worthy of singing
Becomes a symphony

Yeah, you're the cool of the water
You're the start of the summer
Keep me still like an anchor
In a storm you're the cellar
When I'm heavy with worry make me light as a feather
When I'm deafened by anger you're the song I remember
With the grace of a dancer and the strength of a pillar
When I'm starving to suffer you just fill me with laughter
You're a poet
And a saint
You are the only one I choose to imitate
Oh, like the love of a father through the eye of a camera
It's this picture I have seen
We're on a sloping hill of green
And you are walking there beside me

i srsly hate rain. its not fun at all. all it does is ruin perfectly straightened hair and make me afraid of driving. ugh and it means i have to find my other black shoes to wear to work bc god knows you cannot wear suede flats when its wet outside.

bet'cha on land, they understand, bet they dont reprimand their daughters

so i pretty much had two very different conversations about the same thing tonight. see, ever since i first saw the little mermaid ive pretty much been obsessed with it. i used to call forks dingle-hoppers when i was younger, i used to try to make lele's bangs do that swoopy thing ariel's did in the movie(i couldnt do it with my hair bc my hair was curly and this was the pre-flat iron era), and ive always wanted red hair (unfortunately with my complexion it just doesnt work). so today when i was talking about what exactly i'd like my ideal husband/man/significant other, whatever you wanna call him, at dinner i was describing the tall, dark haired man of my dreams and all the personality traits i think i'd really like to have in someone. so i get home and im kind of still thinking about it and i end up having a cupcake that has an ariel ring on it, and its then that i realize that at dinner when i was describing my ideal mate, it was pretty much a real life version of prince eric. it just made me chuckle when i realized that, so i thought id write about it. now im wondering if i will ever find a real life eric, i mean, if someone had to dream him up he probably doesn't really exist. freaking disney-- made my childhood but is ruining my adulthood.

whats so simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

because i seriously have nothing better to do today until i go to work Ive been shopping online and i heard a while ago that Zooey Deschanel was coming out with a line of sunglasses but i didn't realize that they were already available. they're super cute, remind me a little too much of wayfarers but i like them anyway. so i go to the Oliver peoples website to see how much they are... they cost $415. what is with me and wanting things that are way beyond my budget?! its killing me. i love the white ones and i think the cleaning cloth that looks like a napkin is adorable. i could never bring myself to pay that much for sunglasses though, especially not Oliver peoples. you can get Chanel, Prada, and Dior for at or a little under that price. the most Ive ever spent on sunglasses srsly is $25 for a pair of vintage Moschinos that i got at a thrift store in Austin last year. designer & cheap is not something you really ever come across, so i know im lucky to have found those, but i think even if i had ridiculous amounts of money i could not justify spending that much on sunglasses.

boy dont try to front i-i know j-just what you a-are

i love the fact that the ONLY thing i want from nicole richie's House of Harlow jewelry collection is a headband that costs... $395!!! that is so beyond ridiculous.

i guess i will just wait and hope forever 21 comes out with a knock off version soon.

'cause everytime you smile i feel tremors in my heart

as someone who refused to buy an iPod bc i thought it was stupid to pay that much for something that only plays music, I'm really glad i held out and bought myself an iPhone. its much more amazing than i could ever have imagined. adding applications is terribly addictive, i currently have 22 that I've added to my phone and most of them are not even remotely practical. entertaining? yes, but definitely not necessary. the application that I'm probably most excited about is the Shakespeare one. it has his complete works all nice and organized for your reading pleasure and i almost died when i saw they had it. TheScene is pretty cool too, it tracks your location and gives you all of the bars & clubs in your area. that's gonna come in handy whenever we road trip it somewhere. when me and lele went to Austin in September, it was really annoying having to get on the computer at the hotel to look for things to do on the days before the concert. there is also an app for style.com which has pretty much made my life complete. it has most every major designer's complete collection organized by season and ready-to-wear or couture since fall 2001. its fashion heaven. yesterday i had to do bar at work-- we were at like 65% & filled with mostly regulars so it was really slow, i looked through the entire christian dior and christian lacroix spring 2009 couture collections while i had nothing to do, if i hadn't had that application i would have been standing there bored out of my mind for 2 hours.
anyway, this is pretty much just an entry i wanted to make bc i wanted to post my iphone cover bc im pretty sure its the cutest thing ever created...




ps. today i also rediscovered my favorite song from when i was 11, sitting up in my room by brandy. i made it into a ringtone so feel free to call me so i can hear it! heres the video that is deliciously 90s in both clothes & dance moves and that also briefly features donald faison.

Brandy - New Music - More Music Videos

moralistically he taught us to be good, how to set ourselves free and do all the shit we should

so i got over being pissed at lelers and ended up over here for another craquiris night. we watched tropic thunder and hamlet 2. im pretty sure "rock me sexy jesus" is the best song ever written. rdj is like hilarious in tropic thunder but he definitely doesnt beat jack blacks jellybeans scene. its the best thing ever. anyway, here is video....


oh, and i must mention th fact that the part where jesus rips off his robe totally reminds me of my seventh grade religion teacher who used to make us meditate. she once told us about how she used to "meditate" about jesus but picture him as a cowboy in jeans and white t-shirt because he was more relatable to her in that form. now that i think about it, it seems kinda like a weird fantasy she shared with us...whatever though, it totes came to life in rock me sexy jesus, i hope she saw this movie.


there is a pic from tonight, i was playin on lele's photobooth just now. and yes, it is definitely as much fun as it looks.

i love that my drunk ass had exuberant amounts of fun and didnt really even do anything of much consequence tonight. only my besties could give me a night like this.

don't let me be the last to know, don't hold back, just let it go

tonight is so boring for me. work was slow as ever, i srsly had like 14 check ins in my 8 hour shift and they didnt even all show up by the time i left tonight. then i was supposed to go see watchmen but we all decided to wait til saturday bc going to see a 2hr and 45 minute movie that starts at midnight is pretty ridiculous for people with schedules like ours. so now im home, ive exhausted pretty much all forms of communication for the night and talked to everyone either while i was at work or when i got off and now im just here... talking to jordan, who is apparently my late night savior bc hes the only one who ever answers me when its this late. thats why i <3 him so. i need more besties like him.
anyway, today i got my bonus check so im pretty sure im going to buy my iphone in the morning right after i go to the bank. i cannot wait. i wish i had better plans for the weekend so i could really test it out but seeing as i dont as of right now, i shall have to be satisfied. i might try to get everyone to vinnies tomorrow night or something though. vinnies is never hard to put together bc everyone pretty much loves it.

oh also, after what seems like an entire lifetime worth of waiting alexander mcqueen's line at target came out the other day, and sadly, i was kind of disappointed. i mean, i know mr. mcqueen is known for being risky and crazy but i do not see how most of the clothes in that line will work in the real world. the pink & black print is crazy, even for some one who likes risky, like me. i did end up buying two shirts and advising lele to buy one dress, but for the most part i think the collection is a little unwearable for your average person, though im sure every teenage wanna be who thinks she knows fashion will be rocking it. oh, and the ONLY thing i was waiting for, the kick ass leather vest... costs $140!!! yes, one hundred and forty dollars for a vest from target. now, mind you, had my profit sharing check been bigger i probably would have bought it; but i cannot, without regret, think about the fact that someone somewhere in this country has a piece of target clothing that they paid $140 for. it kills me.

to end: i wonder if im gonna have to re-download all of my ringtones to my iphone bc i totally have the best ringtones ever and do not want to lose them. oh, and with the arrival of my iphone i vow to text less. 1-because im pretty sure touch screen texting would be the end of me and 2- im starting to like talkin on the phone more than texting bc its easier to know how people mean things when theyre actually saying them to you. so expect that. :) yay consumerism!

all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy

britney was last night, which was amazing. im pretty sure i was tipsy the entire show bc we went to dominic's before to have a drink and kill some time until we had to walk down to the arena, that made it more interesting. the pussycat dolls were really good. i was sad lele and lacey werent with us bc they would have so much fun and would have danced with me. britney was really good. ive been looking around the internet trying to see what the general opinion of the show was, and people are way harsh! i mean it wasnt the craziest show ive ever been to but it was really high energy, the stage sets rocked, britney seemed like she was really into the performance and it looked like she was actually having fun with it. she played some old stuff, like boys & im a slave 4 u plus she played everytime, radar, and some circus stuff. i had a great time. the merchandise was overpriced, $40 for a tshirt, but thats to be expected at a pop show, i guess. bun took some really good video that im gonna post below. i just wanted to say that it really was not a bad show at all, for her first time back since her craziness, she did amazingly well and i feel it was well worth the money.
my guilty pleasure britney song, radar:


i loved this part, she got lifted up on this big pretty umbrella thing. it was amazing. cute song too.


this song is classic britney, so of course i was glad to hear it.


i was surprised she played Boys, bc i dont remember it ever being that big of a single, but im glad she did bc its one of my faves off of that album. and then If U Seek Amy was right after, which is my fave off the new cd.

im really happy in my life right now, but ive really been missing my dad a lot lately and it makes it really hard for me to enjoy myself and ignore the way i feel when i think about him randomly & it kinda sucks bc there is so much fun stuff going on for me right now.