the music was just being born, it was all I was longing for

i feel like all i ever do is think. there are all of these very serious things that go on inside of my head sometimes but im afraid of driving people away if i bother them too much with it all. its not that i think i cant talk to my friends, bc i know i can. i just hate being debbie downer. i feel like ive had 4 1/2 years to get happy, and i am most of the time, but i feel stupid for still having sad nights. it kinda sucks that i feel like i always have to be fun star, or mature star, or silly star but i never get to be sad star or scared star or boring-nothing-to-talk-about star bc it seems like no one really wants to be around when its not any fun. or maybe im just afraid to let them be around when i am those versions of myself. i dont know. its all very hard for me to understand and get a real grip on. im not in the mood for this philosophical crap tonight. i need to stop listening to bright eyes when its late at night.

on another note, i really wanna go to daddy yankee this weekend but my broke ass cant afford it; its either buy the jonas brothers tickets for my sisters or go to daddy yankee and tbh, i couldnt forgive myself if they missed that concert so i could dance to gasolina. i was supposed to go work the daddy yankee thing with bea but i dont know if thats really gonna happen bc she hasnt said much about finding someone to cover her shift, so im pretty much gonna take the silence as a no. oooh well. i will just be bored or end up going to baton rouge and having that haunting drinking party with kaylee. we shall see.

also, despite what i said about listening to bright eyes while its late, you should totally listen to entry way song from them bc its really beautiful and heartfelt and i just love it tonight. <3 night.


edit:
heres the song...


& lyrics...

Last Saturday I stood in your entry way
That place where we used to wait
For cars to carry us away
Like once in this storm, they drove me and Justin home
The music was just being born
It was all I was longing for

Now I’m on a plane
Off singing my songs again, oh please don’t think ill of it
Cause it’s the reason I exists
But you, you’re the crutch of a cripple
You're the calm of a conscience
You're the peace that I have found
When all these voices talk too loud you are quietly reassuring me
With the hands of a healer
And the tongue of a teacher
It’s your voice that I have known
To be the first one on the phone
Yeah, you ran all the lights to the hospital

So don't you say to me
That life's a trap
The future is nothing but a tragedy
'Cause I'll be out of that window
Yeah, I'll start wishing to die again
Just say we're not walking backwards, kid
And show me to the door
And I'll walk behind
Out into the hot sunlight
Where the world's very much alive
Even when I close my eyes

Well, should I admit
That my promise is counterfeit
That I'm careless and childish
And that's all I can hope to be
And would you concede
That I think only of myself
I refuse everybody's help
Who has been reaching out for me
Well, you reach with the soul of a sailor
And the swing of a miner
You have cleared the rock away
Leaving gold there in its place
And it is more than anyone could claim
Oh, with the sense of a banker
And with the touch of a tailor
You saved this life for me
And you have sown it to beauty
And I am grateful now and I will always be

So would you sing with me
The song is all I know
Some truths are told now only in a melody
So I've been writing a new one
Yeah, I've been taking my time with it
It's gonna be so perfect
It's gonna hold all of us inside of it
You will see
If you just add your harmony
I think it would be complete
And be worthy of singing
Becomes a symphony

Yeah, you're the cool of the water
You're the start of the summer
Keep me still like an anchor
In a storm you're the cellar
When I'm heavy with worry make me light as a feather
When I'm deafened by anger you're the song I remember
With the grace of a dancer and the strength of a pillar
When I'm starving to suffer you just fill me with laughter
You're a poet
And a saint
You are the only one I choose to imitate
Oh, like the love of a father through the eye of a camera
It's this picture I have seen
We're on a sloping hill of green
And you are walking there beside me