just discovered this cover via ONTD. this guy is phenomenal.

so this is the new year

see! totes adorable.

this year has seen the most simple (and sober) welcome than any other in my life. small party with the besties at lele's. it was flawless. we had a balloon drop, champagne, and lots of fun. idk if i'll ever go back to the downtown intense two day binges of the past. i guess we shall see.
      lots of new newness this year so far. i got a new puppy, Tomas. hes practically the cutest and sweetest dog ever. his first vet appointment is tomorrow. is it weird that im nervous? i just hope i chose a good vet. *fingers crossed*
     anyway, i've been eagerly awaiting the lineup for Bonnaroo because i pretty much have to go back. i mean, last year was fantastic and i just LOVED it but apparently its not gonna be announced for another month. :( boo. i will be patient and just save my money so when its announced i can buy my ticket. i also really want to go to ACL even though an announcement for their line up is even farther away. le sigh. anyway, this is a rather pointless entry just didnt want to get too far into 2011 before i posted. i didnt set a resolution this year, bc honestly i never stick to them anyway, but i am going to really try to stay on top of this blog. maybe make it more focused or something. who knows. i could very well forget to update again until 2012.

:)

♫ X is the shape that i drew through your face in permanent marker♫

i have been so very very messy with my words this week. i guess bc i havent really found the time to write i've ended up spewing my feelings to a few people. luckily, theyre people i can trust and that are removed enough from the situation to give me advice and kind of just listen without preaching to me. getting these things off my chest has made me feel better, but it has also made me more inclined to share other feelings/thoughts that i would usually just keep to myself. i dont know. it's a weird time right now. i think because ive kept so much in for so long that now that ive sprung a little leak, im afraid the whole dam is going to break and i dont really know if im ready for the aftermath of that yet. we shall see. maybe i should just start slowing cutting people out so i dont have anything to hold in anymore. idk.. (obviously this is just a stream of conscientiousness type entry, not very eloquent, im afraid).
i just feel like there is a lot of negativity around me and im not the kind of person who likes to let that kind of energy into her life. i spent a few years feeling either nothing at all or overwhelming sadness and these past two years i feel like ive really started to get myself back and its something i definitely had to work at. i didnt just wake up happy one day, i had to learn to let people back in and to see whats good in the world while trying to overcome a lot of the things & feelings that were trying to bring me back to the place i was trying to leave behind me. i wish there was a way i could better explain this, but as i said, this isnt going to be a very well written entry.
ANYWAY... enough seriousness! Jordie and Paige are coming in tonight and im ready for a full 48 hours of debauchery and fun! so back to listening to Taylor Swift & cleaning!

it’s just the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak

ugh i had some really epic things to say here tonight but somehow it all feels like too much for the internet. is this what growing up is?

i leave you with the song from which i took this posts title...

i hate when people do this but... test.

"enough... enough now."

its sad when you realize that life is not like a romantic comedy. that someone does not always come for you at the last second and that sometimes people just stay lonely. real life is not always as beautiful as the perfect little moments that spin around a movie reel, most of the time its like the millions of scenes that end up on the cutting room floor.

this moment of crippling sadness and reflection is brought to you by my favorite movie:

watch the video here. it was removed from youtube. stupid copyright infringements.

if i had anything i thought was remotely interesting to discuss right now, i swear id be updating more often but there isnt much (that i dont consider too personal) to share on here. i do hope everyone is doing well though. <3

ps. devin, good luck on your changes! i read your blog im just terrible at replying.

im like the shittiest blog writer ever.
oooh well. i shall update soon enough. its just been a crazy few weeks but my birthday is coming up so... :)

im listening to the kinda music she doesnt like...

there is something i want to say but all words have escaped me for the night.

going to listen to music (loving taylor swift & the kooks right now. its an odd mix but its working for me).

♫theres no beginning and there is no end♫

i think im going to stop reading the book im reading now and re-read the unbearable lightness of being bc ive definitely been feelin connected to sabina lately. i totally agree with her on her views of privacy & things of that sort. when i get to the exact part im thinking of, ill type up the paragraph on here to see if anyone else agrees with me.

before that though, im heading out again tonight. ive had quite a full & busy day off. its been pretty good for the most part, and the one part that wasnt... im over.

i think that she knows

i realize this does not matter to most people, but i hate to keep good hair products a secret. as someone who has spent her entire life struggling with her crazy curly Hispanic hair i have FINALLY found a line of styling products that work every time in any conditions... Oscar Blandi's Jasmin Collection from Sephora. i don't own everything, as a matter of fact ive been wanting to try it for sometime and so i finally broke down and shelled out the $48 for the five piece Tool Kit.

it is amaaaazing.

I, obviously, don't wash my hair everyday because: 1.) my hair is naturally drier than most (its coarse & curly and im sure this is not surprise to anyone who knows me) and 2.) because i wear my hair straight most of the time and if i were to style it everyday the heat damage would be irreparable. So after not washing my hair for about two days it gets pretty icky at the roots, its at this point that i usually wash my hair and wear it curly for a day or so. well no longer! I now use the dry shampoo at the crown and on my bangs and it really is like i just washed my hair. It gets back all of the volume and takes away that goopy greasy look while making my hair smell just like Jasmin. its a miracle in a bottle. Ive also started using the Luce gloss treatment once a week, after only 2 applications people are already complimenting me. I'm not going to go through every piece of this kit, just know that they all work very well and so if you're looking for a new hair line to love Oscar Blandi is probably it. I haven't tried any of the shampoos or conditioners yet, but im thinking i might be getting those soon as well. i just have to decide which line i want. :) if you decide to try any of his stuff, let me know!

<3 have fun today!

pull me under your weather patterns, your cold fronts & the rain don't mater

I think I'll always trade a lack of sleep for the presence of more fun. I'll sleep when I'm dead, right?

That being said, I'm opting for a much more low key after hours then I've had the past three nights. no substance induced euphoria, loud music, clubs, or embarrassing pictures-- just chillin with a bestie and talkin' about life.

tell me what you thought about...

k. so the past two days have been super fun but i completely give up all drinking and going out until lauren's birthday weekend.

ps. im still kinda sleepy and ive been taking mini naps since i woke up at 7:30 today. i do nooooot want to go to work today.i wish i could call in sick :(

im not a princess, this aint a fairytale

im sleepy and i smell like lavender and roses.
its a good night.
<3

i've never gone with the wind, just let it flow, let it take me where it wants to go

ACL line up has been announced and like Coachella, i want to go. Austin is much more doable than L.A though so maybe ::cross your fingers:: this year. sucks there shall be no jenny or conor and that i will have to share space with fans of the dave matthews band, but whatever. now i must convince someone to come with me. im thinking jordan is my sure bet since lily is playing( and had it not been for his near death mystery illness earlier this year we totally would have made her show in atlanta) but we shall see.

anyhoo, that is that. i dont have much else on my mind lately except this book im trying to finish. i dont particularly care for it at all, really, but i hate to leave books unread because the characters and story probably meant a lot to the author, even if they dont connect with me. its not all bad either, considering it was written by this girl when she was 14-16 years old (this fact is why, of course, i became interested in reading it at all); its just very predictable and probably meant for younger readers. sooo im off to read and sleep and listen to some music before i have to be up tomorrow to take care of the dull adult obligations that seem to be seeping into my life more & more often these days. blaaaah.
i need to have some major fun soon. im thinking this saturday will provide me with some :)

i just want to break you down so badly

as much as i hate the new taking back sunday (because nothing will ever replace the amazingness of john & adam together) i kind of really do love "Makedamnsure".
i just felt it was time i actually admit to that.
feel free to judge me.

MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday

how could this be done by such a smiling sweetheart

god my last post was so freaking emo. ugh anyway, that situation is now completely out of my mind so its time for new things! lately i have been pretty busy but not really doing anything of much substance. i've kind of been on this whole search for art and inspiration thing lately but it hasn't been a very fruitful search. im not good at doing things alone yet so if i don't have someone to come along with me then i usually just don't do what i set out to. its a very bad thing i'm recognizing in myself so i'm trying to remedy it the best i can. that being said, i have every intention of spending tomorrow on magazine and in the quarter just soaking up the city & its people.
i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about where i want my life to go and who i want to become and what i want to accomplish and i think i have a pretty good plan in place, i just have to get the courage to break away from everything that i'm so familiar with and really put my ideas to work. i'm going to make a conscience effort to be less of a dreamer and try to be more practical and adult. my one big problem is that i really just don't like doing things that aren't fun; i hate paperwork and interviews and saving money but those are things that must be done to get where i want to be.
aaaanyway, i got my lovely tax refund today but instead of doing what i want to do with the money, i'm going to do what i should do with the money, which is get my car in shape bc i've been needing brakes for about 6 months (very unsafe, i know, but i've been broke!) and then put the rest on my credit cards. i'm sure this is all for the best, but its kind of heartbreaking to have all that money sitting in my account and not having anything pretty or sparkly to show for it in the end. :(

listening to: "naive" by the kooks

You're not reallysure what you're doing this for but you need something to fill up the days

Id like to think that I would have never allowed myself to be that person bc I wouldn't feel right possibly hurting someone for the sake of selfishness, but for a split second I really considered it, just because it was a completely new feeling. now I just need things to get out of my head; so, I am welcoming any and all distractions.

le sigh... my insides have been so rollercoaster-y lately :(

just look at that girl with lights coming up in her eyes

I think I suffer from chronic dissappointment bc I want every moment of everyday to be different and new and exciting. apparently, life isn't like that all of the time. Sometimes you have to learn to relish the routines, the constants, and the old friends, and learn to take comfort in the, maybe not new or exciting, but definitely good things about your life. It's not that I'm unhappy, bc I'm pretty contet most of the time, it's just that it seems like I'm always trying to find the next rush of emotion or conscienceness or thought. I dunno I guess it's something I have to work on.

should I fall behind, wait for me

Never blogged from the iphone before. anyway, I'm only writing this bc last night I was thinking about how often we don't say or let people know what we really feel about them. We kind of just expect everyone to pick up on it, or tell ourselves that maybe we shouldn't say anything for fear of embarrassment or rejection but it's really rather stupid to do that. generally, knowing or not knowing how someone else feels about you doesn't really change how you feel about them. so I just wanted to say that I hope someday everyone will learn to let go of the complications and hours of thinking and just be honest with each other. love makes the world go round, right? so don't have people around you if you don't think you can love them, in whatever role they may play in your life. and if you do feel like you need someone in your life that isn't really around anymore, let them know you miss them I'm pretty sure it'll end up being better for both of you.