how could this be done by such a smiling sweetheart

god my last post was so freaking emo. ugh anyway, that situation is now completely out of my mind so its time for new things! lately i have been pretty busy but not really doing anything of much substance. i've kind of been on this whole search for art and inspiration thing lately but it hasn't been a very fruitful search. im not good at doing things alone yet so if i don't have someone to come along with me then i usually just don't do what i set out to. its a very bad thing i'm recognizing in myself so i'm trying to remedy it the best i can. that being said, i have every intention of spending tomorrow on magazine and in the quarter just soaking up the city & its people.
i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about where i want my life to go and who i want to become and what i want to accomplish and i think i have a pretty good plan in place, i just have to get the courage to break away from everything that i'm so familiar with and really put my ideas to work. i'm going to make a conscience effort to be less of a dreamer and try to be more practical and adult. my one big problem is that i really just don't like doing things that aren't fun; i hate paperwork and interviews and saving money but those are things that must be done to get where i want to be.
aaaanyway, i got my lovely tax refund today but instead of doing what i want to do with the money, i'm going to do what i should do with the money, which is get my car in shape bc i've been needing brakes for about 6 months (very unsafe, i know, but i've been broke!) and then put the rest on my credit cards. i'm sure this is all for the best, but its kind of heartbreaking to have all that money sitting in my account and not having anything pretty or sparkly to show for it in the end. :(

listening to: "naive" by the kooks