just a quick rundown of the recent past/immediate future

+ neto is here. i <3>
+ i have off three weekends in a row, all of which will contain exuberant amounts of partying.
+ one of the weekends is the weekend of essence fest which i'm really glad about bc i really wasn't sure if they were going to give it to me.
+ maria's bachelorette was so beyond amazing. like srsly, i wish i had pictures so i could piece together at least half of went on.
+ the wedding is saturday and i have two wonderfully classy & fun outfits to choose from.
+ immediately after the wedding rissa-rissa is having her birthday party at the apartment and im pretty sure its gonna end up being more scandalous than the last one.
+ im going to memphis for july3-6 to see my family and i am so beyond excited.
+ there are gonna be a lot of parties since so many of my friends have birthdays in july.
+ MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 16 DAYS!

- im really low on money.
- i need another job, i just dont know where to look or what i want to do.


its nice to finally have a list of more positives than negatives. i feel like my life is getting back to what it was before. it might have taken three years, but i feel like ive finally dealt with things and grown up just a little bit more. its nice to feel like im getting back on track and having fun with my life and my friends again. of course, i also realize that this doesnt mean that everyday is going to be perfect or that im completely over it, bc i dont think that i ever really will be. i just know that ive learned to accept whatever comes at me and im very fortunate to have friends who have stuck around to help me get here.

go listen to the kooks.

i feel like im missing out on a lot. ive been thinking about all of the things the world has to offer and how many of those things ive yet to experience and encounter. i wish i could learn to let go a little more, but every time i try to i reason my way out of any real decisions. i want to just pick up and go and not be afraid. i wish i was more fearless. my dad was really fearless, he did a lot of things--good and bad-- and i wish i had that, but at the same time im kind of glad i dont bc i know how personalities like that affect other people. ive seen what its like to have someone else's choices change your life for better and worse, but ive also seen how doing what is right and trying to fix things can go horribly wrong. i just dont want to end up leaving this world having been safe my entire life, but i also dont want to risk hurting anyone.

i dont specifically know what i want out of tonight or tomorrow or even the next five years, i just know that eventually i want a life that is all my own.