go listen to the kooks.

i feel like im missing out on a lot. ive been thinking about all of the things the world has to offer and how many of those things ive yet to experience and encounter. i wish i could learn to let go a little more, but every time i try to i reason my way out of any real decisions. i want to just pick up and go and not be afraid. i wish i was more fearless. my dad was really fearless, he did a lot of things--good and bad-- and i wish i had that, but at the same time im kind of glad i dont bc i know how personalities like that affect other people. ive seen what its like to have someone else's choices change your life for better and worse, but ive also seen how doing what is right and trying to fix things can go horribly wrong. i just dont want to end up leaving this world having been safe my entire life, but i also dont want to risk hurting anyone.

i dont specifically know what i want out of tonight or tomorrow or even the next five years, i just know that eventually i want a life that is all my own.