i've never gone with the wind, just let it flow, let it take me where it wants to go

ACL line up has been announced and like Coachella, i want to go. Austin is much more doable than L.A though so maybe ::cross your fingers:: this year. sucks there shall be no jenny or conor and that i will have to share space with fans of the dave matthews band, but whatever. now i must convince someone to come with me. im thinking jordan is my sure bet since lily is playing( and had it not been for his near death mystery illness earlier this year we totally would have made her show in atlanta) but we shall see.

anyhoo, that is that. i dont have much else on my mind lately except this book im trying to finish. i dont particularly care for it at all, really, but i hate to leave books unread because the characters and story probably meant a lot to the author, even if they dont connect with me. its not all bad either, considering it was written by this girl when she was 14-16 years old (this fact is why, of course, i became interested in reading it at all); its just very predictable and probably meant for younger readers. sooo im off to read and sleep and listen to some music before i have to be up tomorrow to take care of the dull adult obligations that seem to be seeping into my life more & more often these days. blaaaah.
i need to have some major fun soon. im thinking this saturday will provide me with some :)

i just want to break you down so badly

as much as i hate the new taking back sunday (because nothing will ever replace the amazingness of john & adam together) i kind of really do love "Makedamnsure".
i just felt it was time i actually admit to that.
feel free to judge me.

MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday

how could this be done by such a smiling sweetheart

god my last post was so freaking emo. ugh anyway, that situation is now completely out of my mind so its time for new things! lately i have been pretty busy but not really doing anything of much substance. i've kind of been on this whole search for art and inspiration thing lately but it hasn't been a very fruitful search. im not good at doing things alone yet so if i don't have someone to come along with me then i usually just don't do what i set out to. its a very bad thing i'm recognizing in myself so i'm trying to remedy it the best i can. that being said, i have every intention of spending tomorrow on magazine and in the quarter just soaking up the city & its people.
i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about where i want my life to go and who i want to become and what i want to accomplish and i think i have a pretty good plan in place, i just have to get the courage to break away from everything that i'm so familiar with and really put my ideas to work. i'm going to make a conscience effort to be less of a dreamer and try to be more practical and adult. my one big problem is that i really just don't like doing things that aren't fun; i hate paperwork and interviews and saving money but those are things that must be done to get where i want to be.
aaaanyway, i got my lovely tax refund today but instead of doing what i want to do with the money, i'm going to do what i should do with the money, which is get my car in shape bc i've been needing brakes for about 6 months (very unsafe, i know, but i've been broke!) and then put the rest on my credit cards. i'm sure this is all for the best, but its kind of heartbreaking to have all that money sitting in my account and not having anything pretty or sparkly to show for it in the end. :(

listening to: "naive" by the kooks

You're not reallysure what you're doing this for but you need something to fill up the days

Id like to think that I would have never allowed myself to be that person bc I wouldn't feel right possibly hurting someone for the sake of selfishness, but for a split second I really considered it, just because it was a completely new feeling. now I just need things to get out of my head; so, I am welcoming any and all distractions.

le sigh... my insides have been so rollercoaster-y lately :(