12.24.2008

so its been awhile and mainly i just want to semi discuss the going ons of the month.
chevys christmas party- went with bebe, lacey, and lauren. got really drunk, sang karaoke (more times than i remember), hung out and generally had a very good time. im never going there again though bc omg how embarrassing to get so trashed in front of people you dont really even know that well.
christmas shopping- i finished all my shopping this past saturday and have already done the besties gift exchange. but i am completely beyond broke until after the new year.
christmas gifts- bebe was my kris kringle & i couldnt have asked for a better gift. she got me exactly everything i wanted and even found love me if you dare which has completely just made my life worth living bc i love that movie and dont get to watch it enough. i think lauren really liked her gift from me and lacey bought me this headband that i really wanted from forever21 whilst lauren got me the perfect clutch. yeah. amazing friends give equally amazing gifts.
last night-i finally read the curious case of benjamin button so i can go see the movie tomorrow & everything after work was completely forgettable, except the fact that i ended up having to stay up until almost 6 to wrap gifts. that actually really sucked.
tonight- i work a very boring and long 3-11 alone. not much fun. i will not forget my book tonight though, so f.scott, gloria, and anthony patch can keep me company in the empty lobby. after i get off i have to come home and meet my family so we can go to midnight mass. im oddly excited about it. maybe its bc we dont really go to church except for christmas, easter, and a few other times a year.
tomorrow-im off, thank god; and am hopefully going to see the curious case of benjamin button, even if i have to go by myself.
the 26th- our love jordan graces us with his presence which will mean a week of fun & randomness.

right now though, i totally in this kind of mood...

Photobucket
& that is all.

12.02.2008

its christmas time!

yay! i love christmas time. we already have a fully decorated living room & tree up and i listen to christmas music all the time now and im just so :) i love the way christmas makes everyone feel. i never really feel stressed or anything, everything just kind of flows this time of year. ive tried to start looking around for what im gonna buy for my friends and family but the only person whos gift i have so far is sarahs bc it was the easiest. i still want to buy her a few more things that are twilight themed bc shes all obsessed now (kind of how i was when titanic came out when i was younger) but im going to have to wait until i finish shopping for everyone else to make sure i have enough $$$. with my besties, we decided to secret santa it this year to make things a little easier on the wallet bc christmas can get way to expensive when we're spending $50-60 a person on each other. leles gifts i bought really early and couldnt wait to give them to her, so she got those early and i will just gift wrap her usual boxes of cherries. my mom wants jeans from AE but that seems like such a crappy gift to give your mother, so im trying to find something else i think she will like. bella is by far the easiest bc she just loves toys. as for me, there isnt much i want this year but i have to compile a list to send to my friends so that they have a better idea of what to get me (we're trying to make this as easy as possible on each other). im also kind of glad to have bebe back this year. not that she wasnt ever my friend & i also dont mean im happy she went through what she had to go through earlier this year bc i know how much that situation hurt her, im just glad we get to see a little more of her than we have in recent years. all in all, this is shaping up to be a pretty good end to 2008, which has been a pretty bitchin year. now all i can hope for is that jordan will make it here for new years or that i will make it to dallas. :)
anyway, now im off to drink my tea and chill til work. have fun today!


ps. phantom planet has a great version of "winter wonderland" that you should all here.

11.26.2008

so ive been to see twilight & i actually liked it.
does that make me a bad person?

11.19.2008

pick your class, pick your crime.

so lately ive come to realize some crazy things. like all of these things that i always thought were for everyone else, actually arent. that i can kind of be a part of all of that if i want to do, which im not sure if i do yet, but its nice to kinda know that its pretty much always been an option if i would have just opened my eyes a little more. lalala. i dunno. random, but i know what im talking about & thats all that matters. :P
ive also come to realize lately that im really the only one holding myself back, that even though im doing the things im doing so that way i can help out when i need to, i dont really have the pressure to do that. ive been putting myself on the back burner even though no one really ever asked me to do that and realizing that maybe they dont need me as much as i thought, is kind of a good thing. so i have every intention of going to school in the spring/summer no matter if i get financial aid or not. i will do loans if i have to. im already in debt so i might as well keep it adding up so that i at least get an education and not just a bitchin wardrobe out of the deal.
also, people really piss me off. i never really discussed the election or anything bc i know how sensitive of a subject it can be, but since obama has won i feel like all of these terrible things and ideas have crawled out of deeply burried holes in some people i would consider friends and its kind of disheartening bc i feel like hating someone so much and with such conviction before he even takes office means that youre not hating him just because of his politics bc he hasnt even had the chance to show us what he can do yet. its coming from somewhere else and that scares me; to know that a few people on some of my friend lists have these feelings, whether they acknowledge them or not, sucks bc ive always thought that my friends were the best but i guess its impossible always to really know people.

ps. CONOR IN TWO DAYS!!!

11.18.2008

& girls just wanna have fuh-un


so im totes a night owl. i never get to bed before 3 am anymore and its sooo not cool.
i mean, it is cool when im having fun or out, not so fun when im just here listening to music playing on the internet & essentially just wasting hours away. wtf, right?
anyway, today i had this crazy random talk with my mother about some of things that have happened in our family, my dad, and the passing of other people and ugh, i dont know. it was very emotional and i was completely drained before i even went to work. lucky for me we are in our slow time of the year so it was a piece of cake. and i made $30 on a particularly slow evening.
i feel bad for lauren & her family but it kind of seems like she has the same attitude now as i had about my memaw, which is weird bc i always believed that grief was so different and indivual that it couldnt be understood by anyone else... maybe i was wrong. or maybe im projecting my feelings about my situation onto laurens so that way i can try to help her better. ugh i dunno. tooooo much thinking tonight.
i cant wait til thursday. i know i just saw co&tmvb in austin in like september but im kinda really excited bc i just love this cd and he is just as lovely as ever and i think me and the lelers could use some good ol sister bonding time.
that being said.... i really want to see the killers soon too. ive only seen them once at memphis in may like a century and a half ago and with this new cd coming out & the brandon flowers rendition of girls just wanna have fun floating around youtube, i NEED to see them on this next tour. so im trying to convince someone to roadtrip it with me but im pretty sure it might not happen bc the only person i think would be remotely interested is lele & shes poor like me these days. ugh. fucking bills suck.

11.12.2008

"just remember you called it all bullshit."

so tonight has been uneventful but very interesting.

erin came over and we karaoked and went to meet the saints players (lance moore is a hottie for real.) but i mean socially thats it, so it wasnt like some night to never forget. but i did enjoy it. its crazy how fun it can be to really just chill and have a night at home doing stupid childish things with someone else. no matter how close you may be to them. anyway, all of this led me to have a chill night alone. which for me basically ends up being a cocktail night with music and dancing in my room alone and uninhibited. anyway i pulled out my magazines, clippings, and notebook to make an entry ive been thinking of making for quite some time but have never really felt like making. instead of the long drawn out philosophy ive been going over in my head whilst in the shower for the past few weeks i summed it all up in some cute, bold, clashing collage and a single line "i never want to the be the same person twice". i got to thinking about this a few weeks ago when i was watching madonna on paladia hdtv and i was, obviously, thoroughly enjoying her performance bc i basically love Madonna and everything she does. and i kinda came to the realization that the reason i admire her so much is because she has "reinvented" herself so many times in her career. once i started thinking about all the people shes been over the years i started to realize that we kinda share the same basic principles. she never held herself back from being who she really wanted. shes always found new interests and beliefs and adapted to them, but not really in a commercial way to sell herself out. she has just always been who she is at that time and never let herself get comfortable with just one persona. thats the kind of person i want to be. i want to be the kind of person who isnt afraid to try new things or meet new people or really go out on a limb to see what she can learn and what she has still has yet to discover in the world. i like who i am now. i like being a good big sister to sarah and bella, and i like getting to be lele's friend and not just her older sister who's room she wants to hang out in. i like seeing all three of them develop into their own people and go though the dilemmas of middle school and make friends and start relationships that could very well last forever. i like being the friend that is there at 3 am if you need to call her, and i love being the one who plans 2 people parties that revolve around gossip girl and karaoke. i like that im still relatively young and that even though im not as focused as i probably should be im still living my life the way i want to, with the people i want to. i hope that im never too afraid to take a risk , or be stupid, or try something new and out of character, and i never want to live up to peoples expectaions and be exactly the person they always thought i would be. i want my life to be passionate, and ever changing, and magical, and i hope when im old (or maybe even young) and dying that i dont regret not taking chances that were presented to me. and more than anything i love that all of this has really been summed up in two pages in this notebook that i really update less and less frequently as the years go by but that i hope can carry me through the rest of my life and document all the changes that i will encounter. and its vague and will not have much meaning to anyone other than me, but i am glad i have it.

and i love how this turned from a praising entry of madonna into a random mention of my notebook.
vodka and cranberry splash free will do that to you.

;)



self portrait from tonight with above mentioned notebook & toastie the bear.

11.03.2008

so halloween was amazing this year. i was blair from gossip girl but im pretty sure most people just thought i was a school girl. whaaaatever i was still cute. i got called juvie all night by someone at roseys party on saturday... that was definitely a highlight. i would have pictures but since i hate my current camera i didnt take any so im waiting on my friends to send them to me.
i cant wait to vote tomorrow. im so excited!!! im probably gonna try to go early bc it is going to be insane, i just know it. i am off of work though, which is a good thing. i kind of hate that place these days. i love most of the people i work with, im just like really over the hotel industry. anyway, back to voting... ive seen bruce springsteen performances like 4 times on cnn over the past few weeks bc hes all yay obama. its heaven. im glad i went to the tulane rally earlier this year bc i really have a feeling hes gonna get it (god help us if he doesnt) and i think that seeing him speak for myself gave me the oppurtunity to kind of read him, and i just really feel that he is the right person at the right time for this country.
on another not, i want to go back to school and kind of figure out what i want to do with my life. i was like 100% sure i wanted to do english a year or so ago, but im not really feeling it anymore. partly bc ive stopped reading as much as i was, but i mean money wise too. i dont want to be poor. i know thats terrible to say, but id really like to live in new york and have all these nice things and just have the means to do everything that i really want to in life and i just dont know if an english degree will really help me all that much. i feel like if im spending time and money on a diploma itd be more practical to do something that would make me a lot of money. ive been thinkin of prosthetics bc well my dad made a nice living for us all and since i never plan to have children, other than june li, it would be nice. plus ive been around it enough to know a little about what you have to do, the kind of hours you put in and its something that im comfortable around. at the same time i feel like id be selling out by doing something i dont absolutely love or have passion for. who knooooows. i guess this is the kind of thing everyone has to go through at some point. i just know that i dont want to take another two years to figure it out.
im also trying my very hardest to not look at all these who dies on gossip girl spoilers but its killing me. srsly. i think its rufus :( thatd kill.

10.23.2008

we're just recreation

so i had to delete all the music off of my computer bc i just had way too much & so now i have like 5 folders of songs i just have to have. the process of eliminating so much musical clutter was quite a task, as well as an eye opener. my tastes have changed a lot over the years, but it does seem that i have roots in certain sounds. im drawn to softer, slower music with quivering voices and heartfelt, poetic lyrics and lots of good harmonies that have a real live-show kinda vibe to them. currently, im listening to jenny lewis' solo cds and some she & him bc they really are the best, in my opinion. i just love them.


on another note...
halloween is near!!!
i love love love halloween and this year ive decided to dress as none other than my style muse...



Blair Waldorf from GOSSIP GIRL!!!

ah. le sigh. i love that show and it will be a fun costume bc it means i get to be snarky/bitchy all night. i really want to try and help out this year at the party so im trying to find cute drink ideas and maybe some cute/cheap martini glasses for us classy gals (me, lo, & ro). im also trying to find some fun games that arent too risqué, although i know theyd love that.
anyway, i really just wanted an excuse to blab about my costume bc i was so unsure of what i was gonna be this year and then this idea just hit me and we found almost all of it in one day. so.... yay!

oh & since the time i last posted here i made weekend roadtrip to austin with lele to go see conors new music venture & jenny lewis in concert. it was amazing. i love austin. and i also made a last minute trip to nyc with lacey and bebe andit was beyond amazing. i would write more about it but its just too much to describe and i have my memories (& tons of cute pics from ny) so im not gonna waste my time or yours. <3

6.24.2008

just a quick rundown of the recent past/immediate future

+ neto is here. i <3>
+ i have off three weekends in a row, all of which will contain exuberant amounts of partying.
+ one of the weekends is the weekend of essence fest which i'm really glad about bc i really wasn't sure if they were going to give it to me.
+ maria's bachelorette was so beyond amazing. like srsly, i wish i had pictures so i could piece together at least half of went on.
+ the wedding is saturday and i have two wonderfully classy & fun outfits to choose from.
+ immediately after the wedding rissa-rissa is having her birthday party at the apartment and im pretty sure its gonna end up being more scandalous than the last one.
+ im going to memphis for july3-6 to see my family and i am so beyond excited.
+ there are gonna be a lot of parties since so many of my friends have birthdays in july.
+ MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 16 DAYS!

- im really low on money.
- i need another job, i just dont know where to look or what i want to do.



its nice to finally have a list of more positives than negatives. i feel like my life is getting back to what it was before. it might have taken three years, but i feel like ive finally dealt with things and grown up just a little bit more. its nice to feel like im getting back on track and having fun with my life and my friends again. of course, i also realize that this doesnt mean that everyday is going to be perfect or that im completely over it, bc i dont think that i ever really will be. i just know that ive learned to accept whatever comes at me and im very fortunate to have friends who have stuck around to help me get here.

6.03.2008

go listen to the kooks.

i feel like im missing out on a lot. ive been thinking about all of the things the world has to offer and how many of those things ive yet to experience and encounter. i wish i could learn to let go a little more, but every time i try to i reason my way out of any real decisions. i want to just pick up and go and not be afraid. i wish i was more fearless. my dad was really fearless, he did a lot of things--good and bad-- and i wish i had that, but at the same time im kind of glad i dont bc i know how personalities like that affect other people. ive seen what its like to have someone else's choices change your life for better and worse, but ive also seen how doing what is right and trying to fix things can go horribly wrong. i just dont want to end up leaving this world having been safe my entire life, but i also dont want to risk hurting anyone.

i dont specifically know what i want out of tonight or tomorrow or even the next five years, i just know that eventually i want a life that is all my own.

5.20.2008

in my homeland

so the cruise has come and gone and i could not have asked for a better time. everyone was so amazing and we just had a blast. im not really gonna do a play by play of what went on bc im sure no one is particularly interested and most of my friends were there with me so they know anyway. i'll just say that it was so much more fun than i could have imagined. being in mexico brought back a lot of memories, good and bad, from the times when i was younger and the family vacations we used to take there. it was a great experience and i really want to go back as soon as i can.

aaanyway, here are some pictures from the cruise...

5.06.2008

cinco de mayo!

im sleepy and tipsy and full of thoughts.

i dislike rednecks but love my friends and their friends.

it was a good cinco de mayo, but i cant wait til the cruise. 6 days!


Photobucket

4.27.2008

lovelovelove

so last night was the engagement-- everyone went: me, mandi, lauren, lele, alex and of course my mom and all of her friends. it was a nice time. the engagement went off without a hitch and it was cute and romantic and we took lots of pictures.
i had a self imposed curfew of 2 am, which was meant to detour me from drinking too much since i was supposed to be at work at 4 today; it didnt really work. instead i ended up downing mulitple rounds of appletinis and cosmos in a shorter period of time thus getting pretty toasted, but not quite sloppy drunk. next time i suppose i will have to just give myself a drink limit, rather than a time one. luckily for me i didnt have to come to work at 4 today since ms. hesters mother is still sick and they needed me for audit. normally, i would be aggravated about being asked twice in one week to work audit but i dont mind really now because of the circumstances. i got some good pictures of everyone and had a good time drunk dancing the cupid shuffle and the bunny hop (i dont know why that dance ever died, its amaaazing). all in all, it was a nice weekend and i have tomorrow and tuesday off.

4.26.2008

overnight

so im working overnight tonight because ms. hesters mom was sick and pal asked me to come in. it kind of worked out in my favor though bc i got to go shopping with lele this afternoon. we went to get shoes and ended up running into maria who was shopping or her dress for the party tomorrow. im really excited. tomorrow will be the official engagement and she ended up with this beautiful jewel tone green/blue dress from calvin klein that looks amazing. im really happy for her. she has only known the guy for about three weeks and theyre already getting married. its all so whirlwind and romantic, and you all know im a sucker for love. the only thing is that in the back of my mind i keep wondering if maybe it isnt all a little fast. he keeps talking about wanting to take care of her and how she wont have to work anymore but for some reason, things like that throw me off a little. ive met him, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy it just all seems too good to be true. but it seems like theyre both happy and in love so its really not my place to put any doubts into her head when everything is falling into place. plus my mom says that once your of a certain age, you know what you want so you dont have to go through all the same stuff you do when youre younger. i can neither confirm nor deny this, so i'll just take her word for it.

other than that things are the same. im currently listening to matt & his family/friends have drunken conversations in the lobby. its kind of annoying but only bc im trying to type and its hard to concentrate with noise in the background. its been rather busy tonight. people have been in and out since i got here bc of jazzfest but its a good thing, i suppose.

im trying to figure out what to do for my mom for mothers day. i realize that the smartest thing to do will be to just give her money since she is so low on cash these days, but i was also thinking she might really enjoy a nice massage or spa treatment. im looking at the aveda parker salon for now bc it seems like they do a lot and i want it to be really nice, but we will have to see. i was gonna do jewelry but lele said she is getting her a bracelet and so now im grasping for ideas... so if you have any leave some!

also, the cruise is like 3 weeks away and i can not even wait. ive got my swim suit, luggage, and dresses all set and ready. i just have to return a few things i didnt like and maybe get some more sandals and a few extra dresses.


this song has been in my head all day


4.18.2008

"thats what makes my life so fucking fantastic"

so now i think jordan might be moving down here and moving in with us. im pretty excited. i know me him and lele fight sometimes, but its always the kind of fighting we just end up laughing about anyway. plus, we survived living in that damn fema trailer when he came to school here, so i figure it cant get any worse than that.
now we have to start looking for three bedrooms though, bc previously we only toured 2 bedrooms. so i suppose i will be putting in calls this weekend. i really dont want to live anywhere but the saulet apartments, but i dont even know if they have 3 bedrooms available.

anyway, i need to go or i will be late for work, so i will finish this later tonight.



LISTEN TO THIS SONG.

im obsessed with it.

4.15.2008

"I've never been good at finding things, I'm really good at losing things. "




so far today all i have managed to do is watch two movies, which both coincidentally had mandy moore in the cast, make some noodles, do a facial, listen to music and wash my hair. tbh, its actually been a rather fulfilling/relaxing day since no one has been home since i woke up.

it seems that this summer me, lele, and alex will be getting an apartment together. we went looking around uptown on saturday morning before the v-day thing. we saw a lot of places we were interested in but me and lele pretty much have our hearts set on the saulet apartments on tchopitoulas. theyre super cute and in a great location and for the price i think you really cant beat it. so we are all trying to get our shit together so we can be out in about 2 months, if alex has his money together by then. hes really the one we are waiting on bc he doesnt want to move out until he gets that money from the military. personally, i think that sucks. i mean, me and lele are gonna work more and save and do without a lot once we move out bc we dont have our jobs paying our portion of the rent so i dont see why he cant sacrifice for like a month or two. but whatever, his money, his decision, i just know im not waiting past july 1 bc by then i will just find a place where i can live alone instead of waiting.

im also pretty fucking excited bc the cruise is less than a month away. i have like $700 saved but i will probably end up spending the majority of that on a camera since my old one is no where to be found. whatever money i have left over is going on my credit card to pay for the liquor i will be drinking on the cruise or to pay for the excursions i want to do. the only thing i really want to do no matter what is the mayan ruins thing and im pretty sure lacey or lauren will be up for that.
ive also been thinking about going to talk to the manager over where rosie is. i dont really want to leave the drury bc i like the people but this other hotel just seems to really have their shit together, the front desk sounds so easy with maintenance & housekeeping there until 11 and the no reservations/no walk in thing is amazing, but ive decided that the only way i will swith jobs is if they pay me more or at least match what i make at the drury bc the amount of money im making is way more important to me than the actual job itself {that sounds so terrible, but i really do mean it}.


blah blah blah.

anyway just in case you want some movie/music recommendations this is what ive watched/listened to today:

movies
romance & cigarettes
dedication

music
les chansons d'amour soundtrack
random pop songs from the 80's

3.16.2008


i totally just bought this dress for like $50.
im excited. it better look bitchin on me, bc i bought it online but srsly its way cutie. aaand itll match my sparkly black flats :)


that is all.

3.02.2008

i am so completely unsatisfied right now.
i dont want to be at work, esp. working overnights.
i feel like everyone around me is moving on to better things and im still stuck here.
tbh, i dont mind this job bc i get paid a nice amount of $$$ to sit on my ass and hang out with my friends, plus it allows me to go to school and work and have time to do my work for school while im here. i suppose until i graduate completely, i will just stay here and then focus on getting a career started. i just dont want to do everything so late.
i hate that im such a planner and that as much as i'd love to, i just cant leap blindly into situations without thinking about eeeeverything that could happen. im really one of those plan for the worst type of people. its such an annoying way to be.

also, i need a bitchin ass apartment and a roommate or two. srsly.

2.26.2008

the good, the bad, and the ugly

the good:
oscar party
movies
betsey johnson earrings for $5
dinner with besties

the bad:
not saving enough $$
bills
wanting to buy cute stuff and not being able to
sick people

the ugly:
there isnt really any ugly in my life right now.

as you can see, my weekend breaks even, not good, not bad, just a few days that amount to nothing either positive or negative.
___________________________________________

i really want to go to bonnaroo but i dont know if its gonna happen.
this makes me very :(

2.22.2008

...

today has been one of those days when i have like 432 things on my mind but tbh, there is only one thing thats been bugging me for a while.
i dont know. i feel like im in a transitional period right now. i know what i want to do, i just cant quite make all the right decisions at this moment. im like right on the edge with a million things dangling in front of me and i cant decide if i should just jump off and go for it all or take a step back and think a little harder so i dont fall too hard and end up getting hurt.

i dont know why i make things so complicated all the time. i need a hobbies other than reading and thinking.

2.21.2008

blah blah blah

ugh. so i need to find cute luggage for the cruise. i already have that one cutie suitcase thing from urban outfitters that i bought like two million years ago, but i want something else too bc that is just not big enough for 5 days of clothes and shoes.

also, i ate spaghetti today and now i feel sick. im beginning to wonder if maybe im becoming allergic to noodles. that would suck.
i also want an energy drink really really bad but im trying not to spend any money and plus if i stop on my way to work to get one i will end up being late. ugh.

also, im really sick of a very specific person that i work with, like if i could hit this person with a car and not get caught, i probably would, thats how annoying the situation has become. whatever.
ive just decided that im going to get my energy my drinks b4 work. they can suck it.

:)

2.19.2008

im a loser



so since ive been obsessed with dying my hair ashlee simpson red for the past, i dont know how long, i finally decided to just copy and paste her hair on my head via ms.paint and here are the results...






i did one from new years, bc in winter im like hella white, and then one from like summer bc in summer i get a little more tan, and to be honest, i look pretty fucking fierce in both (minus the chipmunk face im rockin in the new years pic, but whatev.)
so im doing it...eventually. and by eventually i mean in like 4 months when i can actually save up some money that i wont need for vacations.

but yeah...opinions please.

2.16.2008

srsly.

STFU. i met anderson cooper tonight.

my life is now officially complete.

2.12.2008

i need another job.

im trying to save for the cruise in may but i also really want to go to bonnaroo which is less than a month after i'll be getting done with the cruise. its approx. $700 for the cruise, thats including my budgeted $200 for incidentals (alcohol, cool stuff, gifts). then bonnaroo will be another $275 for the tickets and camping passes, not including the gas to get up there($150-ish) or money for food/fun($?).

basically, if i want to do both of these i need to pick a corner on canal st. and pick up some business or get another job. obvi, id prefer another job i just dont know what else to do. im thinking of maybe getting a cheesy mall job, i think thats so demeaning though. i always feel like malls are for 15 year olds. i def. cant do fast food bc im just entirely too snobby to ever work in a greasy little fast food chain. and i cant really find a good office job with hours that would work with the hotel. uuuuugh.

WHY CANT MONEY JUST FALL OUT OF THE SKY?!?!

2.10.2008

hey mama



this made me cry sfm.
the grammys this year were pretty good. i didnt get to see all of the performances or awards bc i was at work for some of it, but i got home as kanye came on. im glad amy won, pissed the foo fighters beat bruce, but glad that mark ronson won for best producer.

anyway, im off to bed now bc tomorrow me and lele are going to the jewelry show.


peace & love

2.08.2008

sometimes i get really bent out of shape over stupid things that shouldnt hurt my feelings.
i havent decided if this is or isnt one of those situations yet.
i just know im hurt and pissed, but in all likely hood will be over it by tomorrow.
i am sure, though, that im really lucky to have such good friends.
seriously... i dont know what id do without them.


so heres to you, my lovelies.

i know i can always count on you no matter how big or small my problem or celebration is.

i got to see obama today. i got to see obama today.
i didnt make it into the auditorium speech because they were already at capacity by the time i got there (i literally spent about 25 minutes trying to find a parking place). but because there was so much overflow from people who didnt make inside, he did a mini speech outside tulane, in the courtyard, and just those ten or so minutes really were inspiring. i really feel like he has what it takes to turn the country around. he has a lot of great ideas and im just completely blown away by his sincerity and passion for people, its something you dont see often & especially not in politics.



on the more superficial front, i really really really wanna dye my hair a bitchin red color. unfortunately, im too scared bc 1) my hair is like super healthy and awesome right now 2) i dont think i really have the right skin tone 3)i dont want to pay the money i know it would cost to strip and dye my hair. so i am basically stuck being jealous of this talentless twit because she has the hair ive always wanted.






i hope the plans for tomorrow night go through. we havent had a decent gno in forever & im really in the mood to get drunk and be stupid. although i think if the crazy fun night im looking forward to doesnt work out, maybe we can have a classy evening with wine and champagne, make our summer plans, and discuss politics & boys & all the little things that matter to us right now.

2.07.2008

stfu

the motherfuckin' writers strike is over!

all i know is my people better have gotten what they asked for. they showed everyone who really drives hollywood & i hope they get what they deserve. plus, i cant wait for my shows to come back! ugly betty & desperate housewives please!

ps. i get this news from ontd. the best celeb gossip place arrroooound.

leave the bourbon on the shelf

mardi gras was rather tame this year both personally and work-wise.
i didnt really have any drunken nights, seeing as i worked 6am-2pm for the weekend and my only day off was monday. i still had fun though. we went to most every parade and rosey & lauren rode so we got lots of cool things that i still have no idea what to do with. im not looking forward to the nba weekend because everyone is saying is basically gonna be hell and i know theyre going to make me work all the days bc i always get stuck working on days id really rather not, but whatever, i suppose everyone feels likes that.

in the past few days i keep hearing about everyone wanting to take a cruise & to be quite honest, i really hope it happens. ive been wanting to take a cruise for a long time and we've been doing the same summer vacation together for years now, so a change will be nice. i know as long as we're all together it will be a guaranteed good time. so im looking forward to that and hoping that it all works out and that everyone is able to go.

i was telling lele today about this goofy little story thing i have going in my head & she said that it sounds like it could really develop into something more so i think im going to try to organize it all into a short story sometime soon. i always say stuff like that and i work for a little while then i just forget or lose focus. thats something im trying to work on though.

omg. how could i forget to mention....OBAMA is coming here tomorrow. hes giving a speech at tulane in the morning, so if im not a walking zombie by the time i get off tomorrow, im really going to try to go. i know they say you should never discuss politics and things like that, but im just so excited. i really love everything this guy stands for and is promising and id just really like to see him in action for myself instead of watching every cnn ballot bowl or debate. ideally, i think he and hilary should be a single ticket no matter who wins the actual nomination. they both have really good ideas and plans (even if i do lean a little more towards obama's side of things) and im just really excited about this election. i really feel like this could be a great time for change in the country and in things in general.

oh, i bought across the universe today. im so excited. i love that movie, way more than i should. i also picked up the killers new cd last week & let me just tell you... it is bangin'. its probably my favorite so far, because its so upbeat and fun and dance-y & they have the most wonderful cover of "romeo & juliet" on it. i love that song way too much, i know, but its so pretty i cant help it. its just flawless to me, and i think they did really good job or redoing the song but without losing all the magic and sincerity that makes it so great.


omgomg. aaaaand they announced the line up for bonnaroo this year and i want to go so bad. fuck coachella. tenessee is a hell of a lot closer and way less expensive than l.a. im hoping i can save up the money for this aaand the cruise, but honestly, theyre less than a month apart so who knows. it is a nice idea though. i do wish i had more friends who were into the kind of music i like though, as open minded as my lovely people are, they just wouldnt spend $500 on a music festival for a band they kinda recognize, ya know? eh whatev... a girl a can dream. i know i'll always have lele in my back pocket.



shiiiit man. i love the killers. for reals. <3

1.28.2008

please dont stop the music

i srsly need to gtfo of this house.
its killing me.
unfortunately, i need roomies bc rent is way too high uptown and i am not trying to live in metarie. basically, right now, just about everything in my life is bring me down. things are not how i want them and im pretty damn frustrated about the fact that i cant really do anything about it at the moment.
also, i need a fucking camera. and though my mother used and lost my $600 one that i loooved, she is basically refusing to replace it saying that its not lost, its around here, she just needs to find it. really? well itd be really fucking great if you could have found it sometime in the last like 5 months. i do not have another $600 to spend, not to mention, they dont even make that camera anymore and i dont really like any of the ones i am finding now bc they just arent as good.


tomorrow is the last of my four days off and i need something to do. i cant decide if what i need is alone time or a distraction. i guess i will see who is up to what tomorrow and just wing it from there. i really need to either talk to someone or just be completely left alone. tbh, i would really rather a distraction though. i def. dont want to end up a nutcase like poor britney. who is apparently having a breakdown as i type (the reason i know this.)
on a brighter note...
today was spa day, which i do every so often because im one of those girls who really likes facials and eyebrow waxing and stupid little things like that. so, i went to cvs & got like 4 different biore cleansers and strips, and i must say, the best product i have ever EVER used is the pore minimizing exfoliant. it works so incredibly well, you dont even know. me and lele used it tonight and your face ends up feeling and looking so soft and fresh and im pretty sure its my new beauty addiction. though i dont suggest using it often, bc you can FEEL it working (meaning you feel the burn as all that dead skin comes scraping off.)
i also watched some old episodes of what not to wear today and i really want to know what brand of spray foundation carmindy uses. i know dior has one, but to be honest, i dont really wear foundation enough to spend dior money on it and i dont think thats what she uses anyway. since im on the topic of looks and the such, i really wanna dye my hair red. ive wanted to dye my hair really super red for as long as i can remember, but i dont really have the skin tone to pull it off. im the lightest in my family, yes, but i think i have too much of a pinkish undertone to really look good as a red head. the general opinion has led me to believe that i look better with a darker (my natural) hair color anyway. its just frustrating because i like lots of change.
-----------------------------
HONESTLY
as much as i want to move, i should really probably just stay here and save my money until i can move out of this city and on to someplace thats more like me.
im thinking somewhere along the lines of new york or la. of course, i could always cross the pond but lord knows id die before i stay here long enough to save THAT much.
--------------------------------




What Your Sleeping Position Says



You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.

Shy and private, you yearn for security.

You take relationships slowly.

You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Cranky and a big baby
It's hard to sleep next to you because: You are a light sleeper


1.23.2008

oh oh. yesterday the oscar nominees were announced and im sad to say, there are a lot of movies that were nominated that i havent seen yet. which is ok, because it just means that in the next month me and lele have to really get down to watching them so we can make some informed guesses when we go to the prytania for the oscar party again this year.

also, the strike better not interfere with my oscars. i look forward to that oscar party every year and its gonna suck if the show is cancelled and they do it all golden globes style.

:(


omg, did everyone hear about heath ledger? jordan called me and thats how i found out. it makes me so sad to see such talented people go so young. i feel really bad for his daughter and michelle williams. he has left behind a great body of work, and he will certainly be missed. i really hope the media respects his family, but i doubt it. i saw that tmz (& lots of others) had some kind of live news feed while they were wheeling his body out of the apartment, that kind of stuff is so sick and it really makes me angry. its disrespectful to both the deceased and their survivors. sometimes i really think that hollywood and all the hype surrounding celebrities brings out the absolute worst in humanity.





1.22.2008

i need some new music to listen to.

eh. i am tired. my sleep schedule is all thrown off because of the crazy shift changes. ive literally worked at least one of every shift this week, plus had to stay four hours late one day. it sucks, but its necessary.
all of this though, is really pushing me to think about my future. about how i dont want a job like this my whole life.
its pushing me to save and work harder so that way i can be completely finished with school, get a job at a magazine or paper, and really start my career as a writer. i've started a little on some ideas for childrens books that ive had for a while and to be honest, its a lot harder to sit and write than it used to be for me. i guess because since ive been working here, ive almost completely quite writing because im always too tired or trying to fill up my off time with normal fun things that people my age get to do that i dont always have the chance to because of my work schedules for the past two years.
as a matter of fact, the lack of creative flow is what got me to start this blog. no more myspace blogs where i can pick and choose who can see what i have to say, and no more censoring myself so i dont hurt the feelings of people who may be reading it. this is my completely uncensored, tell it like it is place to write.
feedback is, of course, completely welcome as are comments but the way i figure it, i want to be a writer because i have something to say and i need to learn now that sometimes there will be things i say or feel that i want to take back, but thats not always going to be an option. so im re-learning how to stick by what i feel, even if my feelings change, because i need to own every part of me.
so i guess this will be my disclaimer blog....
if you dont want to know what i honestly feel or think about then dont read this blog because im not protecting anyone from my words. if im writing them, then i mean them.

xxx
star


__________________________________

that being said... nothing particularly interesting has been going on lately.
ive been thinking a lot lately about loss, because devin lost her grandfather (rip), and so its been a rather rough few weeks for her and her family and for my head & heart. its like a rush of sympathy for everything im sure theyre going through and a resurgence of everything i felt when all of it happened to me. its not like im constantly sad or unable to function or anything like that, ive just been thinking about how you never really get over losing someone you love and what kind of damage carrying a weight like that around can do to a person.
i feel like a completely different person than i was three years ago but not in that, oh shes grown up kind of way, its more like i lost the connection to the person i was becoming before all of that happened. i was out on my own, doing things id never done before and then all of sudden its like i regressed into this lost soul that just fled back to the familiar and hasnt really been able to leave it due to fear.
i love being around my family and watching my sisters grow up and i like that i can be there for my mom, since she doesnt really have anyone else to rely on anymore, since all of her family lives 2-3 states away, its just that i thought i would be somewhere so different at this point in my life, and i feel like before my dad passed away i was really on my way to making it where i wanted to go and now i just dont know how or if i can pick myself up and get motivated to do that again. i just have this crippling fear that the day i finally do, something is going to happen and i am going to regret not being there when i should i have.

.....i dont know. im going to do some work stuff because im working audit tonight and tomorrow. i'll finish writing this later. or not. it depends on how i feel.

1.21.2008

i want to write, but im too tired.
hopefully i remember everything in the morning.

all i want to say is this has been a surprising week for me as far as movies go.
i actually liked cloverfield & 300.
hm. who knows what else can happen?

1.19.2008

no really, im going to see cloverfield.

lately ive just been tired. too tired to think or write or stress.
& tonight, instead of a late night spanish concert with my sissy, ive opted for a movie night with my sister.
tbh, i feel kind of bad because L made it sound like she expected me to not go, but whatever. i work, a lot, and this weekend i have all early morning shifts, so if i change my mind, im not gonna apologize for it. it just bugs me that the "i figured you wouldnt go" comment was supposed to make me feel bad.

anyway, im off for a nap before i go to the movie with ll & lexi.

xoxo


ps. all the name coding makes me feel like gossip girl.
can you tell the wga strike has me missing la television?

1.16.2008

atonement

i finally got to see atonement today with lacey and lele. me and lacey picked lele up from work and then we all headed over to canal place for the afternoon show, and i must say it was a really nice time. the movie itself however, has really struck a chord with me for some reason. it was so sad and real and its just one of those stories thats really affected me-- to the point that im awake at almost three a.m. because i was redreaming the movie (does that every happen to anyone else?).

--SPOILERS--
do not read past this if you havent seen it yet.

i think what made it so sad was that nothing really worked out for anyone. the thing about a story like this is that you think there would be a antagonist and a protagonist but there really isnt, because the fact of the matter is, that you can excuse and identify with both sisters. as much as i would have hated briony if she had done to me what she did to celia and robbie, she was young, and she obviously felt that she was protecting her sister from the things she had witnessed and didnt understand. on the other hand, you can see it from cecilia's point of view, that her sister who was clearly a young lady and not completely child-like at the time, basically ruined her chance at love and the rest of both her and robbie's lives because she was niave, assuming, and probably even jealous.
then, to make it even more tragic at the end when briony is explaining how things really ended up you realize that sometimes the things you do can not always be undone and that sometimes the decisions you make can change everything. its sad to see that everyone in the story is left longing for a resolution that they would never get. robbie and cecilia never got their chance at happiness, while briony spent the rest of her life unable to attain forgiveness.



i really want to read this book now.

1.15.2008

im listening to brazilian music

im not really sure what i want to write about on here yet.
to be honest, i forgot that i'd even signed up for this.
anyway, just give me some time, im sure something interesting is bound to happen today.
& if it doesnt, you can just read about whatever im thinking about.



 
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